So last Friday/Saturday I read a lovely little article in Fitness magazine, telling ME, speaking to ME, about how some woman are just meant to be bigger. Our bodies like where they're at and they don't want to lose weight. Now, I don't want to quote anything they said, because I skimmed the article in discuss disagreeing, yet agreeing with everything they had to say. So, I didn't read it line for line, but I got the understanding of the article that if you are overweight and workout and eat the healthiest you can, you may still be a candidate to stay that way for the rest of your life. I was a complete Debby reading that article that after I read it, I burned it in the fire, (we were camping) and reached for the Doritos, followed by alcoholic beverages & smores. Like a little 13 year old who got dumped by her boyfriend that she only said hi to in the hallways. Did I just break-up with myself? Yup, it appeared that way. I was so furious , sad and confused. I really wish I had that article to read it NOW, while I am on the sane bus back to reality. But for 3 days straight, I didn't have my fitness/health boyfriend. I felt lost, like a real breakup.

Monday was the worst day I've had in a LONG time. I was overtired for eating and acting like a fat slob all weekend, I let it continue until Tuesday morning. Monday was my rock bottom. I thought to myself all day Monday, this is why I continue to do what I do, this is why I don't give up, this is why I care. because I don't EVER want to feel this way about myself again! Binge eating can be fun, but by day 3 I was ready to just pump my veins with lettuce and tomatoes. The side effects and after effects are the worst, you continually tease your senses with that nasty/delicious food, it keeps you craving it like a drug. Seriously. So, if I am going to be "like this" at least I'll do it with confidence, stride and heart. I won't go down choking on chips and brownies. Now, I don't think I'm crazily ugly and chubby. But I refuse to let that article in Fitness magazine (of all places) tell me who I can or can't become. NO WAY! I refuse to be that girl in class that shows up everyday, works out harder than everyone (haha, sometimes) and is still showing no progress. Refuse, Deny, Conquer. I will get you my pretty, and your little dog too! All. Day. Long.

If you see me on the Beer Biker ride tomorrow, I will be drinking a Miller 64 or Bud 55. Mixed with water glasses in between. Why? Because I'm a freaking rockstar, that's why! Who's joining me?!